When I arrived in a place of Self-compassion, I began to feel clear enough to take inventory of my “habits”. There were some that expanded me, and those that contracted me.

One of those “habits” was devoting time to friends and colleagues without discrimination. There clearly needed to be a distinction between those that helped me to feel supported vs. those that drained me. I read somewhere that we must “spend time with the worthy”. So, I visualized an amazing banquet table in a magnificent setting. I wanted every seat to be filled consciously by those people that filled me up! There is a song by Jackie Wilson, later covered by Rita Coolidge entitled “Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher (Than I’ve Ever Been Lifted Before)”. That is what I was looking for! They were people that I trusted and that I could be vulnerable and authentic around. When I imagined these people walking in a room, it made me feel light and happy. They might fill a specific purpose, such as financial or health advisor or they could simply bring a smile to my heart just because they listened and understood.

I realized that I had lots of “friends” out of habit, not of the heart. So many would “listen” without being present or really interested. It felt like they were listening out of obligation rather than interest. They were not there to honor me and most were there to tap into my capacity for compassion when it was I who needed it most in that moment. It was like playing a game of emotional musical chairs and only the worthy would have a reserved spot at my table. With the tool of Self-Compassion in my backpack, this was no longer a selfish notion. It was empowering and necessary. I wish everyone in my life peace, love and happiness… but I reserve seats for the worthy because they lift me higher and higher!