I would describe my shame as the suffocation of my soul. It was that deep, dark, dirty secret that seems impossible to release, and felt like a crushing weight on my chest. The longer it was there, the heavier and deeper it grew. And of course the belief that no one has ever done this, allowed this, had become this, created an isolation and loneliness which was my prison. I carried the shame of failing the people that mattered most in my life. I “allowed” our 30 year old business to fail and in the process, failed my wife, brother and colleagues that trusted me and had been with us for 15-30 years. Not only that, out of desperation, I invested most of our life savings and financial security back into the business to delay its inevitable failure. I faced the shame of no longer being able to joyfully say, as I had since 1986, that I was an entrepreneur. I did not feel deserving of that title.

Shame, shame, shame!

Whether you feel that you are the victim or the perpetrator, or as I was, a twisted combination of both, the impossibility of exposing that shame to the light of day feels as impossible as anything ever considered. Little did I know that I would expose my shame in the most public of ways possible. This exposure happened during the filming of the documentary, Tapping for Weight Loss by Jon Gabriel, founder of The Gabriel Method and facilitated by Carol Look, EFT Master and founder of The Yes Code.

During the two days of filming, my 11 fellow participants and I would each uncover the sources of our shame in front of one another as well as the camera. Having buried that truth deep inside rather than face the pain, shame and humiliation, little did I realize that simply speaking my truth out loud for the first time would begin the process that would set me free.

It was a profound and life-changing experience which has set me on a course to guide and support others through this process. The Sherpa in me was born!

Watching person after person put down their heavy load of shame—one after the other—by releasing the veil of secrecy, silence, and judgement was astounding. Up to that point, I drank, blamed, ate, cursed, hid, slept, escaped, buried, punished, judged, hated, rinsed and repeated during those years of “failure” and felt no relief or release from the pain that my shame of “not being smart enough, fast enough, nimble enough, or simply good enough” inflicted.

For the duration of the filming and with the assistance of Jon and Carol, the acceptance and support we gave each other along with so many others that have heard or seen our stories and been inspired, has replenished my soul in ways that were unimaginable.

In my practice, I bring clients through a process of self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-care, and finally, self-love. What I learned in this experience is expressed perfectly by Brené Brown. “Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.”

I am forever grateful to Jon and Carol for shining the light which created an opportunity for me to break my silence and tell my secret by expressing my shame. I honor, respect and admire those 11 souls that did the bravest thing they might ever do and allowed me to begin my healing journey. Thank you.