The first obstacle I found while blazing my trail to self-care was the incredible guilt that came from the mere thought that I was acting so selfishly. How self-absorbed could I get? I was a father, husband, son, brother, uncle, friend, partner, employer, and I felt responsible for each and every person in my life. This was a responsibility that I took very seriously. It was one that I saw carried so lovingly, selflessly, and seemingly effortlessly by those in my life that had come before me.

IF and WHEN there was time to spare after taking care of everyone else or worrying about everyone else, THEN I could think about self-care…and not a moment sooner!

Looking back with today’s clarity, this was a self-imposed prison. The reality was that I was blessed with the most understanding and supportive family and friends a man could ever ask for. At the time, that fact did not lighten my self-imposed load one ounce. I was far too busy “shoulding” all over myself!

Then I embraced the most incredible “cup and saucer” analogy. We all have a cup and saucer. I filled up my cup and then before I knew it, I was offering a sip to everyone in my life because I should. Over time, I could not keep up with the demand for the contents of my cup and it was drained!
No one was nourished by my empty cup. Neither the people I cared so much about nor I was served in this exhausting cycle! No one wins. That is where I was stuck, in a constant state of being drained and ultimately resentful.

Then there was the turning point.

What if I only offered a sip from my saucer? I could constantly fill my cup with a magnificent, nourishing brew. That brew was a product of self-awareness, self-compassion and self-care. Eventually, the cup would be filled and spilling over into the saucer. I could offer everyone to partake from the saucer. There would be abundance for everyone else as long as I kept filling my cup and sharing what was in my saucer. Suddenly, filling my cup did not feel selfish at all. It actually served everyone in my life, including me!

I could finally embrace self-care without feeling selfish and my journey and healing could continue. More about what that would look like to follow so please stay tuned…